Thrive!
When I was 22 I travelled across South-East Asia with a friend. We left Israel for an adventure of a lifetime, the trip we dreamt about and planned for during our military service. One evening, (we were in Thailand at the time), we run into my good childhood friend Sarah and her boyfriend Dave and we decided to travel to India together in the next couple of days.
On the day of the flight Dave seemed a little off. He was very quiet and looked pale, and things were getting worse at the gate. He was more anxious and jumpier as we were taking our seats. I of course thought nothing of it… I took my seat and fastened my belt excited about what’s ahead, but when we took off with a roaring engine I look across the aisle, and I see Dave is in panic!! His left-hand knuckles were white from gripping the hand rest so tightly while his right-hand clawing into Sarah’s thigh with HORROR!!
You see, Dave I learned that day, is terrified of flying!
And so, while I was having a Blast, he was freaking out! I was enjoying the flight, filled with excitement and anticipation, while Dave was the star of completely different movie. In Dave’s mind a horrific disaster was eminent. He believed that we are were going to crash and die, and every engine sound, slight turbulence or wing shake confirmed that belief.
Dave recovered shortly after we arrived, and we joke and lough about that day ever since.
Dave’s reality and experience were his subjective interpretation and not what was really going on. He of course could not see that in the moment! And this is important because you too, like everyone else, see the world through your unique lens.
You see, your experience is created by your beliefs. By the meaning you assign to what’s happening in your life. Not by the events themselves! By how you feel and think about them which then affects how you respond and behave.
Beliefs are a powerful filter through which you perceive, explain, and understand the world… and this filter becomes your identity.
Your identity is who you are now and who you can become.
Many of your beliefs have been anchored early on in childhood. Interactions with parents, teachers, and other impactful people. Others are created by the thoughts you think and the words you speak repeatedly to become the narratives and stories of your life.
This is important because traumatic and stressful events (like the pandemic) lead to negative thoughts and feelings. Repeatedly over time, this distorts your lens, it changes the way you experience the world and you get caught up in negative emotions, lost in unproductive beliefs.
And when this happens you experience a conflict and/or misalignment of VISION, VALUES and MINDSET.
It’s an identity crisis; you forgot who you are and whom you can become!
You get stuck because you either don’t know WHERE you are going, you don’t remember WHY you were going there to begin with, or you don’t know HOW to get there.
VISION – VALUES – MINDSET!
So you can’t focus, set goals or priorities that mean anything to you, and you don’t show up with the attitude and energy that will get you there.
But if you become AWARE of the way you think, then you can examine your beliefs, try-on some new ones and create choice.
You can then become UNSTUCK, and you can THRIVE… always!
Thriving is EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL WELLBEING together with feeling ACCOMPLISHMENT and SUCCESS.
It is the essence of self-actualization…: living your best-life as your best-self.
Thriving then is a way of experiencing life so it is not a destination, it is a journey…*.
Here’s the thing…
Self- actualization… thriving… living your best-life as your best-self is much like a sailboat journey.
The sailboat hull and deck provide stability and shelter; it is your connections and relationships, your self-esteem and sense of safety. The sail propels you forward; it is fueled by exploration, love, and purpose.
On the sea of life, you navigate between the waves that move you forward to those who pull you back.
Between the calm water of security, to the thrilling waves of growth and progress.
Between clinging to the past in fear to moving into the future with courage.
Let’s go back to my friend Dave from the airplane story…
Learning that day that Dave is afraid of flying did come as a bit of surprise to me because… well, what you don’t know about Dave is that during his military service he was a paratrooper. Yes, paratrooper! Dave literally jumped out from flying airplanes! And he did that many times…! Oh, yes, and to boot, for the last 30 or so years Dave is an airborne search and rescue team member. Every so often Dave dangles between heaven and earth on a rope tied to a flying helicopter!
You see, Dave’s family were the founders of his community. They were people of action who built a thriving oasis in the harsh environment of the Judean desert and the dead sea. He grew up around hard work and mutual accountability. His loved ones were pioneers; his friends and their siblings chose to serve the country in elite units. He absorbed all that throughout his life and he knew he wanted to do his part.
Dave values adventure and freedom, he believes in duty, courage, and altruism, so he made choices that are purpose-driven and transcend his fears.
He knew deep inside that although sometimes FEAR is a warning sign, many times FEAR is just a sign you are heading in the right direction.
When you have that kind of clarity; when you know what you want and what is important about it, then you have the COURAGE to be and act in the way that gets you there.
Because COURAGE is NOT the absence of FEAR, COURAGE is doing something despite it!
And when you have COURAGE, you are no longer a prisoner of thoughts and limiting believes.
You can once again become the star of the life-movie YOU direct… free to design the life-experience you want… and you can THRIVE ALWAYS!
THANK YOU!!!
*This guided imagery journey was done during the talk but present here with an invitation for you to follow.
Find a comfortable position, tune-in and find your breath. Breath in… breath out… relax…
Imagine you are walking down a long, curvy wooden pier. It is a sunny, bright day and you are filled with anticipation. Around the bend she becomes revealed in all her glory; it is your sailboat, and it is magnificent. Your heart is racing with excitement. The day arrived and you are prepared.
On board you hear voices and greeted with familiar faces, hugs, and handshakes. You smile because you know they are here for a reason and that without them the journey wouldn’t be the same.
Anchor lifted, sails are up, you lead the boat out to the open water and into the horizon.
At the helm the wind is in your hair and your heart is overflowing as you think about your destination.
The next few days are unforgettable; The sea is sometimes smooth and in others rougher, but it is all worth it when in the distance land emerges.
You get closer and can see more detail; you become overtaken by the beauty that reveals itself.
Take a moment to appreciate all that you see and hear…
Tune in… what is it like? how does it feel?
As you are getting ready to say your goodbye (for now), take another final look around…
For a moment… think about the journey and reflect:
What was your destination and what is important about it?
What have you accomplished by getting there?
Who was with you, why, and how do they make you feel?
What is possible when you are clear and confident?
As a way of deepening your self-inquiry, I invite you to take a moment, tune-in, and write-down one (or more) insights you have gained, and then one thing, you WILL do about it… TODAY!